Day two....failure

Well, this is the second day of my transformations and it seems I have only accomplished one thing today.

I woke up from another restful night's sleep and felt amazing. Ready to do anything. But as the day wore on I slowly faded. At my temporary job (cleaning for my mother) I felt the nausea and cold sweats I've been feeling for weeks....I tried as hard as I could to make it through the day, but nothing worked. After a few hours of that well known "near death" feeling, I started to feel hopeless. Like everything I was trying to do was going to fail before it even started. Why even try...

As the thought crossed my mind to end the project before people started to see me falling apart, I had a sudden realization....I always quit. I quit every project, every dream, every plan I've had. I never really stick to anything even if I'm passionate about it. I can't continue to quit. No matter how much pain I'm in or how far gone I feel, I have to finish one thing in my life.

With my new found confidence I plan on finishing the dishes....One thing done today is better than nothing. I'll feel the pride in those dishes if only for one night. At least I'll have a reason to push forward.

How far will someone go for a "feeling"? All I want is pride....is it really a sin? Well, hopefully I can find out before I end up in hell...I just need to know what the point of trying so hard is for.

Right now I'm proud of myself for making it to day 2 in my quest for pride. I just want to take this one day at a time. So far I'm already having revelations so hey, its something.

This is day two of the rest of my life/.....

7/11/2011